Cure for the Common Cold Discovered

PHILADELPHIA, PA—Scientists at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania have discovered a cure for the common cold, specifically the rhinovirus. There are many variations of the common cold virus which is why it’s so difficult to find a cure. Despite that fact, a cure has been found. The scientist leading the cure effort wishes to remain anonymous, just in case the cure turns out to be deadly. So far, it has only been tested on chimpanzees, and the first human to receive treatment will do so by the end of the week. He gave us a peek into the cure, and it’s by no means ordinary. To start, you must lay on your stomach, and use the trained monkey to stand on your back. It needs to be consuming a pickle—if not, the cure won’t work. After the chimp finishes his pickle, it will burp, and release chemicals that you must breathe in. Keep in mind, the chimp must consume the pickle supplied in the cure kit, otherwise you won’t be cured. After you breathe in the chimp burp, you must hold your breath for 25 seconds to fully absorb the cure. Of course, this is only a tiny snippet in the long cure process, but the scientist has made it clear he doesn’t want to give too much information away. With a cure for the common cold finally discovered, maybe we can find cures for more deadly viruses.