Kanye West Selling Toenail Clippings

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWHOBwSY7EtRJ3nxIxrkhA0MJHAzs9ckxMfnshQjPkFAXHuWfMJzKw0n5A9xf5HcTDKmrDyUfTchgrWrNtieR6mJ5FK_UDUQJIR74SBaU_tODRWhiG7bCE0Nr4R5juGu0CZSOT9ow2A9AA/s1600/kanye-west-2-1920x1200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWHOBwSY7EtRJ3nxIxrkhA0MJHAzs9ckxMfnshQjPkFAXHuWfMJzKw0n5A9xf5HcTDKmrDyUfTchgrWrNtieR6mJ5FK_UDUQJIR74SBaU_tODRWhiG7bCE0Nr4R5juGu0CZSOT9ow2A9AA/s640/kanye-west-2-1920x1200.jpg" width="640" /></a></div> <br /> CALABASAS, CA—Singer-songwriter Kanye West is in the process of selling his toenail clippings. Earlier this month, we <a href="http://finestnews.blogspot.com/2015/07/local-man-donating-toenails-to-charity.html" target="_blank">posted an article</a> about a local man who was donating <i>his </i>to charity. When Kanye got wind of the story, he decided to be a dick and sell them on Ebay. “I’m the greatest rock star in history. I ain’t gonna donate them, I gotta sell ’em! These nails don’t grow cheap,” Kanye tweeted to defend himself. It’s unfortunate for him, actually, because his donation would help to show his nicer side. As of this date, he doesn’t seem to have one of those. Some people still think that he’s probably a gay fish, but he seems to deny that fact. The charity would really benefit from Kanye’s toenail clippings, but he has no intention of donating them. Maybe with enough fan uproar, he’ll change his mind. Until then, he will keep denying that he is indeed a gay fish. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Kanye West Selling Toenail Clippings

CALABASAS, CA—Singer-songwriter Kanye West is in the process of selling his toenail clippings. Earlier this month, we posted an article ...

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Microsoft Unveils Best Windows 10 Feature

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7tE6EsCUOcZn-06pqS7oUiryp3e5G6cc8jaqpd26L6GXZpMqAKLe0EtB6IWipen9SWsqdxiv8kcNV8mRkgu0zmMaJNOmRTf1KvqDYbCzzpekRhyphenhyphen44QcWxXgtCJsoK42FvR-LBZO783R4W/s1600/windows_10_logo-wallpaper-1920x1200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7tE6EsCUOcZn-06pqS7oUiryp3e5G6cc8jaqpd26L6GXZpMqAKLe0EtB6IWipen9SWsqdxiv8kcNV8mRkgu0zmMaJNOmRTf1KvqDYbCzzpekRhyphenhyphen44QcWxXgtCJsoK42FvR-LBZO783R4W/s640/windows_10_logo-wallpaper-1920x1200.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> REDMOND, WA—Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has unveiled “the best feature Windows 10 has to offer, hands-down.” On top of the various new features Windows 10 has to offer, including the return of the start menu, and the introduction of Cortana and Microsoft Edge, this new feature will “top them all” according to Nadella. Generally, the CEO doesn’t unveil new features to the public; they usually unveil them at a press conference to be presented to the public at a later date. This feature, however, is so mind-blowing that Nadella decided to skip the press conference and head straight for the public unveil. “At Microsoft, we’re always finding ways to be better. We understand that there were many flaws with Windows 8—and we truly believe this new feature will allow you to forgive us,” Nadella stated during an exclusive interview. “We’d like to proudly introduce fecal-matter recognition technology. To start, come out of the bathroom after taking a number two without washing your hands, and smear them across your display. Windows will recognize the smear and save it to an encrypted partition on your hard drive. In order to gain access to the device in the future, you’ll need to repeat the same process.” Microsoft believes that fecal-matter recognition will give a solid edge over its top competitor, Apple. It will be included in all variants of Windows 10. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Microsoft Unveils Best Windows 10 Feature

REDMOND, WA—Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has unveiled “the best feature Windows 10 has to offer, hands-down.” On top of the various new feat...

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Disney is Brainwashing Children

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwGA6SLCaslJguX5CzdoWs2hpJguYgvT1_Hs6mfM8gPDAs11ALyvXKN4wFp1jxzO82c6hI2jgRSy2AVFCWqNg89Vyur3M1-03e-wfwLHSIPr5eU8Cjxjb_RXZnAcA5C4HiMRTe67OWvWU7/s1600/kid-disney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwGA6SLCaslJguX5CzdoWs2hpJguYgvT1_Hs6mfM8gPDAs11ALyvXKN4wFp1jxzO82c6hI2jgRSy2AVFCWqNg89Vyur3M1-03e-wfwLHSIPr5eU8Cjxjb_RXZnAcA5C4HiMRTe67OWvWU7/s640/kid-disney.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> ORLANDO, FL—With The Walt Disney Company’s 100 year anniversary only a few short years away, it’s inevitable that they’ll end up controlling America’s children. In fact, studies performed by the Child Psychology Group (CPG) have found that children between the ages of 5 and 13 are 82% more likely to own a Disney related item than teenagers in similar households. It doesn’t help that Disney is a multibillion dollar company: history has shown that groups with a lot of money also hold a lot of power. The CPG has estimated that by the year 2025, over 96% of children will own some sort of Disney-related item, whether it be a toy or a movie. To top it all off, the CPG have been performing studies on various Disney items, and they found some disturbing evidence. “Upon inspection of Mickey Mouse ears, we’ve found a mind control chip capable of controlling the wearer <i>and </i>surrounding children. We urge all parents to destroy any Disney-related item immediately.” That sounds pretty terrifying, and you’re probably wondering why this news hasn’t been published elsewhere. It has been, but Disney promptly sweeps away any negative article and opens a new Walt Disney World in that location. Eventually, Disney will flip a go-crazy switch and America’s children will take over the world. How’s that for a real-life fairy tale? <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Disney is Brainwashing Children

ORLANDO, FL—With The Walt Disney Company’s 100 year anniversary only a few short years away, it’s inevitable that they’ll end up controllin...

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Bill Cosby Running for President

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3_v_MgWWnzG52VzSUNXua84w-VmbdBhktjFY31zZKANVpGMZtYaFHO43z4g3va9ozRnjkYZpjk1jIQgCihuy4LrkxcCYkxfF88Kq5UwqNzBnRbAdeKUq6z1-naEQqXAkZKuf8z-uLO8IM/s1600/bill-cosby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3_v_MgWWnzG52VzSUNXua84w-VmbdBhktjFY31zZKANVpGMZtYaFHO43z4g3va9ozRnjkYZpjk1jIQgCihuy4LrkxcCYkxfF88Kq5UwqNzBnRbAdeKUq6z1-naEQqXAkZKuf8z-uLO8IM/s640/bill-cosby.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /> </div>SHELBURNE, MA—Long-time comedian and actor Bill Cosby announced his candidacy today. We asked him why he decided to run so late, and he replied, “I<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ve always wanted to be president. I didn<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t know if I had it in me until recently.” We weren<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t sure exactly what he meant by that, so we decided to ask him once more. “I<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ve been accused of raping women. We cannot have a president that hasn<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t been accused of some crime. I<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>m ahead of the pack.” That<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s true, Cosby is definitely ahead of the pack. And with our current president being African American, it<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s likely that Cosby will win. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i></div></div>

Bill Cosby Running for President

SHELBURNE, MA—Long-time comedian and actor Bill Cosby announced his candidacy today. We asked him why he decided to run so late, and he rep...

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Robotics Company to File Lawsuit Against Dubstep

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi33QN01KesOpkOqwzd-1h_rZ-acwPU2Wv44odV0rgVzDWN-f_SJQ1MaGhscxj-_HIj47vjhgyrFV7d2GsA-oYlXwKx0r6pSfviyT9gXAUCk33kZ1FgL68ragXh_t8F2KQr6jw3H1A9iE1T/s1600/Irobot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi33QN01KesOpkOqwzd-1h_rZ-acwPU2Wv44odV0rgVzDWN-f_SJQ1MaGhscxj-_HIj47vjhgyrFV7d2GsA-oYlXwKx0r6pSfviyT9gXAUCk33kZ1FgL68ragXh_t8F2KQr6jw3H1A9iE1T/s640/Irobot.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /> </div><span style="font-family: inherit;">TOKYO, JAPAN—A robotics company outside of Japan is filing an $18 billion lawsuit against Dubstep music, according to their president Atsuo Takanishi. The Robotics Society of Japan has been in operation since 1982, and they feel Dubstep has tarnished their good name. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">“I</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">m sick of hearing what these Dubstep artists do with our androids,” Takanishi explained. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">“They use them for their perverted sex acts, and then the public listens to it. We don</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">t tolerate android porn in Japan.” It</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">s disgusting what Dubstep music has come to these days. There are millions of Americans who listen to it on a daily basis, and it’s a disturbing fact. Listening to androids have sex is not something that the United States should be known for. If the company wins, all Dubstep music will be acquired by The Robotics Society of Japan. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i></span></div>

Robotics Company to File Lawsuit Against Dubstep

TOKYO, JAPAN—A robotics company outside of Japan is filing an $18 billion lawsuit against Dubstep music, according to their president Atsuo...

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