Bridge in Construction from California to Hawaii

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXD9IdpMp4Jbhjdyd0lhwROZfOJuengB6DYMax9Q0CGwpIkL29koCvsgQ1sgCakrQo0TXTq4cVac124yksrD-mhT9BzCqD4dePRboYWBAYLS0DF-qwNgKycVlay8BnHgiDChcyILKr2poG/s1600/long_stone_bridge_over_water-wide.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXD9IdpMp4Jbhjdyd0lhwROZfOJuengB6DYMax9Q0CGwpIkL29koCvsgQ1sgCakrQo0TXTq4cVac124yksrD-mhT9BzCqD4dePRboYWBAYLS0DF-qwNgKycVlay8BnHgiDChcyILKr2poG/s640/long_stone_bridge_over_water-wide.jpg" width="640" /></a></div> <br /> SAN FRANSICO, CA—To make traveling to Hawaii easier and more affordable, state politicians in California have passed a bill allowing for the construction of a bridge from the smoggy state many miles away to Hawaii. The construction will start in January 2016 and is estimated to cost over $19 billion. Don’t worry, though, that cost will be covered by your tax dollars. That’s right, you’ll be paying for a bridge in a state that you probably don’t live in that’s connected to a state that you’d rather fly to. Now would be the time to start learning tax evasion tactics. Local Hawaiians aren’t too fond of the idea either because they will likely see a massive increase in tourism. “We get enough tourism as it is,” Hawaii governor David Ige stated. “With this bridge, we’ll be getting a lot more, and we hate tourists. We hope most of them will be eaten by sharks.” We don’t know if shark attacks are very common in Hawaii, but we’ve also heard that Ige has spent over $3 million in shark purchases alone, so keep your eyes peeled if you plan on getting in the drink. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Bridge in Construction from California to Hawaii

SAN FRANSICO, CA—To make traveling to Hawaii easier and more affordable, state politicians in California have passed a bill allowing for ...

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Local Dog Shits on Donald Trump’s Campaign Poster

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-NxAJ0eEgfBR2_mKnPIX2SFvwIgAwRlMmkUs-feXxmc_a6gGPQyd65bYxUCmc7M1Wq0Eq29qUknHx-mBaygIE3CgkPrbkqU6GqPnRFxlcuVNqev1mpzERVGWy_0tC8QXGwJ1CWQauMaDk/s1600/pooptrump.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-NxAJ0eEgfBR2_mKnPIX2SFvwIgAwRlMmkUs-feXxmc_a6gGPQyd65bYxUCmc7M1Wq0Eq29qUknHx-mBaygIE3CgkPrbkqU6GqPnRFxlcuVNqev1mpzERVGWy_0tC8QXGwJ1CWQauMaDk/s640/pooptrump.jpg" width="640" /></a></div> <br /> AUSTIN, TX—A local dog has successfully taken a shit on Donald Trump’s campaign poster while walking to the dog park. The dog, named Fluffers, was being walked by his owner when “he tugged on the leash so hard that I lost grip.” The dog proceeded to press his butt against the poster and unleash a giant pile of doggy doo. The owner, Jeb Martin, was horrified at the sighting and decided to post a picture of his dog’s smug look after the fact. “The dog seems to know that Trump deserves a steaming pile of shit all over his face,” a local resident screamed in approval. The rest of the Austin area isn’t too happy with the dog, as they all plan on voting for Trump. Martin decided to give the dog up for adoption because he “only accepts pure-blooded Republican dogs.” Martin was also afraid that if he kept Fluffers, his neighborhood would disown him, and probably even skin them both alive. “It was best I put him up for adoption. We’ve been through a lot, but I feel he stabbed me in the back.” The dog can be purchased at a local animal shelter in Austin for around fifty dollars. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Local Dog Shits on Donald Trump’s Campaign Poster

AUSTIN, TX—A local dog has successfully taken a shit on Donald Trump’s campaign poster while walking to the dog park. The dog, named Fluf...

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Canadians Revolt Against Smokey Bear

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic970VU58cuWCJ_vzRdPLDd1yLnszNA0RZGo0nmBTnfA7uc9KofJVTnEBPs5rL3GCBD0P8nRbUhNQw7Oi6CCIr-toUlvrWNSpv3TYJCMDnbYSjPLF0XR5ci2qH5R4jCWrzYSBnr1til6v6/s1600/police_swat_black_white_bw_people_anarchy_riot_weapons_1920x1200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEic970VU58cuWCJ_vzRdPLDd1yLnszNA0RZGo0nmBTnfA7uc9KofJVTnEBPs5rL3GCBD0P8nRbUhNQw7Oi6CCIr-toUlvrWNSpv3TYJCMDnbYSjPLF0XR5ci2qH5R4jCWrzYSBnr1til6v6/s640/police_swat_black_white_bw_people_anarchy_riot_weapons_1920x1200.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /> </div>ONTARIO, CANADA—Canadians are outraging against new legislature that Smokey Bear is trying to pass. Yesterday, we <a href="http://www.finestnews.blogspot.com/2015/07/smokey-bear-working-to-ban-canadians.html">covered a story</a> where Smokey Bear is trying to ban all Canadian immigrants due to the Saskatchewan forest fires. As it turns out, many Canadians are unhappy with this possible legislation. “We had nothing to do with the forest fires, eh,” Bill Randolph told us. “They were probably started by Smokey Bear himself, eh, we all know he hates us, eh!” The picture above was taken earlier today, and it’s near the border between Minnesota and Canada. We’ll keep you posted with updates.<br /> <br /> <b>Update 10:07 p.m.: </b>The rioting has subsided, but Smokey Bear is still working on the legislation. We hope all families involved in the riots are unharmed. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i></div>

Canadians Revolt Against Smokey Bear

ONTARIO, CANADA—Canadians are outraging against new legislature that Smokey Bear is trying to pass. Yesterday, we covered a story where Sm...

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Smokey Bear Working to Ban Canadians

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIjcsKxEC7O4cfn-XFRLzlvd6k9x2z0W_vWJL3U1mk7dmdliF9Ot_npCj_a9oLdp2tcJYqDOikilY1tKuVLICDq3JJND3DMQ8EHdPifjjXzffwLYsIYLecWwHHpn08jNy92pgvzVKfGsEC/s1600/burrn.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIjcsKxEC7O4cfn-XFRLzlvd6k9x2z0W_vWJL3U1mk7dmdliF9Ot_npCj_a9oLdp2tcJYqDOikilY1tKuVLICDq3JJND3DMQ8EHdPifjjXzffwLYsIYLecWwHHpn08jNy92pgvzVKfGsEC/s640/burrn.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /> </div>SASKATCHEWAN, CANADA—As the wildfires rage on in Canada, Smokey Bear is working with local politicians in the United States to ban Canadian immigrants. “We can<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t have Canadians in the United States after all of the messages I<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ve had broadcasted on T.V.” Smokey told us. “They blatantly ignored my messages and many Midwestern states are suffering from their insolence.” If the law passes, all Canadians immigrants will need to return to their home country. If this is the only way to get rid of Justin Bieber, here<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s to hoping that it gets passed. Smokey also told us that he may be running for the 2016 presidential election, but he has not decided yet. He told us that if he becomes president, he<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ll remove Canada from the world map. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i></div>

Smokey Bear Working to Ban Canadians

SASKATCHEWAN, CANADA—As the wildfires rage on in Canada, Smokey Bear is working with local politicians in the United States to ban Canadian...

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Bill Cosby Running for President

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3_v_MgWWnzG52VzSUNXua84w-VmbdBhktjFY31zZKANVpGMZtYaFHO43z4g3va9ozRnjkYZpjk1jIQgCihuy4LrkxcCYkxfF88Kq5UwqNzBnRbAdeKUq6z1-naEQqXAkZKuf8z-uLO8IM/s1600/bill-cosby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3_v_MgWWnzG52VzSUNXua84w-VmbdBhktjFY31zZKANVpGMZtYaFHO43z4g3va9ozRnjkYZpjk1jIQgCihuy4LrkxcCYkxfF88Kq5UwqNzBnRbAdeKUq6z1-naEQqXAkZKuf8z-uLO8IM/s640/bill-cosby.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /> </div>SHELBURNE, MA—Long-time comedian and actor Bill Cosby announced his candidacy today. We asked him why he decided to run so late, and he replied, “I<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ve always wanted to be president. I didn<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t know if I had it in me until recently.” We weren<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t sure exactly what he meant by that, so we decided to ask him once more. “I<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ve been accused of raping women. We cannot have a president that hasn<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t been accused of some crime. I<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>m ahead of the pack.” That<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s true, Cosby is definitely ahead of the pack. And with our current president being African American, it<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s likely that Cosby will win. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i></div></div>

Bill Cosby Running for President

SHELBURNE, MA—Long-time comedian and actor Bill Cosby announced his candidacy today. We asked him why he decided to run so late, and he rep...

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