Dangerous Chemical Identified

LAS CRUCES, NM—Scientists at the Physical Science Lab at the University of New Mexico have recently identified a dangerous new chemical. Its chemical name is Dihydrogen monoxide, and they warn the public to stay far away from it. If inhaled, your lungs will be unable to absorb oxygen, which can be deadly. In addition, prolonged exposure to the substance can cause severe tissue damage. It also does a really good job at cleaning your skin from dirt and grime. Do you really want to be ingesting a substance like that? The scientists warn that this substance is commonly found throughout Earth, so if you see it, be sure to steer clear. The scientists also say they hope to convert mass quantities of the substance into safe, drinkable H₂O. 
Learn more about Dihydrogen monoxide here