You Should Wait an Hour Before Swimming

You eat a giant Thanksgiving meal at your favorite Aunt’s house. She’s pretty wealthy and has this gargantuan pool in her backyard. For some odd reason, it’s 96o in November. You were so hungry that you ate a whole turkey all by yourself. You’re a big boy now. You probably gained like six pounds, but whatever. I’m sure you’ll just burn those calories off by swimming. But wait. You just ate. Like five minutes ago. You can’t go swimming yet! Bad things will happen! But you don’t care. You’re a rebel. You remember hearing that it’s a myth to have to wait an hour. But where did you hear it from? NASA? The crazy guy on the corner of your street? Wait… the crazy guy on the corner of your street… yes… that was it. But he has a PhD! In Philosophy! Stop digressing. The fact of the matter is, you’re stuffed and basically dehydrated. That water looks so cool and fresh. You can’t wait, so you start to climb the ladder into the pool. A metal shard awaits your hand, and you slowly press the shard into your bare skin. To top it all off, it’s a rusty shard. You fall off the ladder and land in such a way that your ankle rolls and you topple over. Bleeding hand, swollen ankle. That’s not what you wanted at all. It can’t get any worse, right? Wrong. On your way to the hospital, a car collides with yours and, because you were so full, you didn’t wear a seatbelt. Mistake. As you are forcefully ejected from the car, you can see your best friend Bill working at the hot dog stand on the corner. Time has slowed down. Your demise is imminent. Not quite. Bill tosses twenty bags of buns and you break your fall on them. Nice guy, right? Wrong. That was only a dream. Time doesn’t slow down, bub. You actually flew out and banged your head on a traffic light. Pretty severe head trauma. That was just a coma dream. Sorry. Oh, what? You also have tetanus? That’s really unfortunate. Injured hand, broken ankle, head trauma. You should have waited that hour before getting in the pool.