Shower Curtain Sick of Always Being Wet

DENVER, CO—A local shower curtain is not happy due to its incessant wetness. The shower curtain, who wishes to remain anonymous, stated that “it’s sick of always being wet.” “When I am dry, which is maybe 10% of the time, I just get all wet again in a matter of hours. And they don’t dry me when they’re done, either. It’s just annoying.” The shower curtain is so sick of not being dry that it threatened a lawsuit against its owners. If it wins, it will be compensated $12,400 and it will be made waterproof. Its owners, Robert and Samantha Brown, don’t seem to care about their shower curtain’s wellbeing. Defending themselves from supposed shower curtain negligence, they stated, “It’s a shower curtain. It’s doing its job by preventing water from going everywhere. We could care less about how it feels.” Good thing it’s impossible to tell if the shower curtain is crying because it’s already full of water. “I wish I was a bird, like what I have printed on me. Then I could fly away from these terrible people.” The court date is set for July 30^th, 2015.