Business Mogul Trips on Rock

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmnGvt-KuumZGck8I-Dys28cQsfJs-ilt01HBUY85u_GVcVsjQFgtFDqD4dps-e_xjr8ZepwsUt5V9CQ-WeLZSh099ORT4fANhT14NTzM5vjVXxp4593xV-ezfWTxEJlm1K_wI79lSntvQ/s1600/mantrips.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmnGvt-KuumZGck8I-Dys28cQsfJs-ilt01HBUY85u_GVcVsjQFgtFDqD4dps-e_xjr8ZepwsUt5V9CQ-WeLZSh099ORT4fANhT14NTzM5vjVXxp4593xV-ezfWTxEJlm1K_wI79lSntvQ/s640/mantrips.png" width="640" /></a></div> <br /> A FIELD SOMEWHERE—A well known business mogul has tripped on a rock to his death according to local authorities. They have asked us not to disclose the location of the tragic incident until they fully understand what happened there. Patrick O’Hare was supposedly heading for work when he decided to take a scenic route on foot. While walking on the path, he “tripped on a rock and broke his neck.” It’s a rather tragic story, as any person could have potentially survived the fall. “The angle in which he fell was one that caused his neck to immediately snap upon impact,” medical professionals stated. For those who don’t know, O’Hare was president of his local tailor shop, and he dressed very well every day. Due to the unfortunate accident, his son Peter will be taking over the shop. Our greatest condolences to the O’Hare family. More information on this story will be aired on local news stations. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Business Mogul Trips on Rock

A FIELD SOMEWHERE—A well known business mogul has tripped on a rock to his death according to local authorities. They have asked us not t...

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Shower Curtain Sick of Always Being Wet

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdjnr2mgRbG8gKXbTAdYCYakMSsPl-clxghuDKxXWH_6JLHYiA-19zKcUmU898u8xONk7yGwVbCbTF-Zhq_uX62U9wyWWbYH1bzq7WUQhpMeCr6mq5YCuKE6wl4nmpqvtN-EN99Qg-YwTB/s1600/1920x1200-sandpiper-shower-curtain-unique-bathrooms-by-artceram.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdjnr2mgRbG8gKXbTAdYCYakMSsPl-clxghuDKxXWH_6JLHYiA-19zKcUmU898u8xONk7yGwVbCbTF-Zhq_uX62U9wyWWbYH1bzq7WUQhpMeCr6mq5YCuKE6wl4nmpqvtN-EN99Qg-YwTB/s640/1920x1200-sandpiper-shower-curtain-unique-bathrooms-by-artceram.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> DENVER, CO—A local shower curtain is not happy due to its incessant wetness. The shower curtain, who wishes to remain anonymous, stated that “it’s sick of always being wet.” “When I <i>am</i> dry, which is maybe 10% of the time, I just get all wet again in a matter of hours. And they don’t dry me when they’re done, either. It’s just annoying.” The shower curtain is so sick of not being dry that it threatened a lawsuit against its owners. If it wins, it will be compensated $12,400 and it will be made waterproof. Its owners, Robert and Samantha Brown, don’t seem to care about their shower curtain’s wellbeing. Defending themselves from supposed shower curtain negligence, they stated, “It’s a shower curtain. It’s doing its job by preventing water from going everywhere. We could care less about how it feels.” Good thing it’s impossible to tell if the shower curtain is crying because it’s already full of water. “I wish I was a bird, like what I have printed on me. Then I could fly away from these terrible people.” The court date is set for July 30^th, 2015. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Shower Curtain Sick of Always Being Wet

DENVER, CO—A local shower curtain is not happy due to its incessant wetness. The shower curtain, who wishes to remain anonymous, stated tha...

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Pluto Sad It’s Not a Planet

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFdKtdVGjhDhBJ6gE0IsEmswAFOesvDfMBvmEmTGW17ojuroqmxzwVXbuqhA2xGIESrhBuFDpQU0qEB2N7euj8ZhImat77pg7i7L3DGFxWXLASjy5GiNMFr0lZgJ4YNwsDithvM6a2LVbs/s1600/pluto.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFdKtdVGjhDhBJ6gE0IsEmswAFOesvDfMBvmEmTGW17ojuroqmxzwVXbuqhA2xGIESrhBuFDpQU0qEB2N7euj8ZhImat77pg7i7L3DGFxWXLASjy5GiNMFr0lZgJ4YNwsDithvM6a2LVbs/s640/pluto.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> SPACE—Thanks to a recent flyby from the New Horizons satellite that launched 9 and a half years ago, the International Astronomical Union (IAU) learned that Pluto is not so happy that it got its planetary title revoked. If you are at all familiar with planet anatomy, the heart of the planet is in its core, but not Pluto’s. It a last ditch effort to prove that it’s a planet, Pluto used mass quantities of energy to push its heart to the surface. “I’ve been considered a planet for a long time,” Pluto told us. “When they revoked my status, I was heartbroken. This’ll show the IAU that I am indeed a planet.” All eight planets in our solar system have confirmed hearts in their core, but since Pluto is so far away, it was impossible to tell. Now, thanks to the New Horizons satellite, it’s clear that it has a heart. This new information should definitely reunite Pluto with its planetary status once again, and if not, Pluto told us “it will create a petition.” <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i><br />

Pluto Sad It’s Not a Planet

SPACE—Thanks to a recent flyby from the New Horizons satellite that launched 9 and a half years ago, the International Astronomical Union (...

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Disney is Brainwashing Children

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwGA6SLCaslJguX5CzdoWs2hpJguYgvT1_Hs6mfM8gPDAs11ALyvXKN4wFp1jxzO82c6hI2jgRSy2AVFCWqNg89Vyur3M1-03e-wfwLHSIPr5eU8Cjxjb_RXZnAcA5C4HiMRTe67OWvWU7/s1600/kid-disney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwGA6SLCaslJguX5CzdoWs2hpJguYgvT1_Hs6mfM8gPDAs11ALyvXKN4wFp1jxzO82c6hI2jgRSy2AVFCWqNg89Vyur3M1-03e-wfwLHSIPr5eU8Cjxjb_RXZnAcA5C4HiMRTe67OWvWU7/s640/kid-disney.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> ORLANDO, FL—With The Walt Disney Company’s 100 year anniversary only a few short years away, it’s inevitable that they’ll end up controlling America’s children. In fact, studies performed by the Child Psychology Group (CPG) have found that children between the ages of 5 and 13 are 82% more likely to own a Disney related item than teenagers in similar households. It doesn’t help that Disney is a multibillion dollar company: history has shown that groups with a lot of money also hold a lot of power. The CPG has estimated that by the year 2025, over 96% of children will own some sort of Disney-related item, whether it be a toy or a movie. To top it all off, the CPG have been performing studies on various Disney items, and they found some disturbing evidence. “Upon inspection of Mickey Mouse ears, we’ve found a mind control chip capable of controlling the wearer <i>and </i>surrounding children. We urge all parents to destroy any Disney-related item immediately.” That sounds pretty terrifying, and you’re probably wondering why this news hasn’t been published elsewhere. It has been, but Disney promptly sweeps away any negative article and opens a new Walt Disney World in that location. Eventually, Disney will flip a go-crazy switch and America’s children will take over the world. How’s that for a real-life fairy tale? <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Disney is Brainwashing Children

ORLANDO, FL—With The Walt Disney Company’s 100 year anniversary only a few short years away, it’s inevitable that they’ll end up controllin...

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Child Ignores Parents’ Curfew

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzyQe2Jv5Lvw7R7bT_s9BtdoJjxFXYoWFYUB5sYg0_skEnN93O7ZUTYIeoaHSiyvtv9e_w6cnLwAQWqsduY_Ie0iKR_FYJWJZvf_FbWaQ7cGb5Puhu919qp18LUDZ1z1SROf0nG2FIireX/s1600/angry-child-boy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzyQe2Jv5Lvw7R7bT_s9BtdoJjxFXYoWFYUB5sYg0_skEnN93O7ZUTYIeoaHSiyvtv9e_w6cnLwAQWqsduY_Ie0iKR_FYJWJZvf_FbWaQ7cGb5Puhu919qp18LUDZ1z1SROf0nG2FIireX/s640/angry-child-boy.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> SAINT PAUL, MN—A young child has disobeyed his parents’ curfew for him. The young boy, named Elliot Warner, was “five minutes late” according to his parents, David and Jill Warner. “We’re very disappointed with our son. He has never stayed out past curfew, not even for his friend’s birthday party.” As punishment, Elliot must go without television and video games for a week. “This is his first offense. If he does it again, the punishment will only be worse. He has been acting up a lot lately, though.” He told his parents that he wanted to buy some Juicy Fruit gum at his corner store, but he had to wait in line. “It doesn’t matter that he was late because of a line. He should have calculated the time it took per person to come to the conclusion that he would be late if he waited in line.” Our best wishes to both Elliot and his parents. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Child Ignores Parents’ Curfew

SAINT PAUL, MN—A young child has disobeyed his parents’ curfew for him. The young boy, named Elliot Warner, was “five minutes late” accordi...

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Dangerous Chemical Identified

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilxB_i69WD0Xa2FAuW8yeM8sevqQH2wlzUmr5YZldg9ojefXvOyvPIBB3FfDzjDgD-X3_cUI7vL4rb1mG5vaKtBw1fvjQXLrtr_QD7s9ITpRbJUtxuhDOBNAUxKiCkECQ755PLJLrj6iKr/s1600/17218_water.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilxB_i69WD0Xa2FAuW8yeM8sevqQH2wlzUmr5YZldg9ojefXvOyvPIBB3FfDzjDgD-X3_cUI7vL4rb1mG5vaKtBw1fvjQXLrtr_QD7s9ITpRbJUtxuhDOBNAUxKiCkECQ755PLJLrj6iKr/s640/17218_water.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> LAS CRUCES, NM—Scientists at the Physical Science Lab at the University of New Mexico have recently identified a dangerous new chemical. Its chemical name is Dihydrogen monoxide, and they warn the public to stay far away from it. If inhaled, your lungs will be unable to absorb oxygen, which can be deadly. In addition, prolonged exposure to the substance can cause severe tissue damage. It also does a really good job at cleaning your skin from dirt and grime. Do you really want to be ingesting a substance like that? The scientists warn that this substance is commonly found throughout Earth, so if you see it, be sure to steer clear. The scientists also say they hope to convert mass quantities of the substance into safe, drinkable H₂O. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i><br /> <a href="http://www.dhmo.org/facts.html" target="_blank">Learn more about Dihydrogen monoxide here <i class="fa fa-arrow-right"></i></a>

Dangerous Chemical Identified

LAS CRUCES, NM—Scientists at the Physical Science Lab at the University of New Mexico have recently identified a dangerous new chemical. It...

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Twitter Announces Free Birds for Everyone

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxYwPi9Te1rcZv2Fun8He6ZCaeZ7Bzg6VmHPE12mf5N6mEf3hGlEIy2AnWZ9XuXfKQNvQ1-XfCtjyCr1Ke0cUhINu1aWTbJOTczkbzjKz1wlIjj8AQ0gF3j8p9txWRvKpjUmi5nyWcyC0a/s1600/Old_woman_feeding_birds.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxYwPi9Te1rcZv2Fun8He6ZCaeZ7Bzg6VmHPE12mf5N6mEf3hGlEIy2AnWZ9XuXfKQNvQ1-XfCtjyCr1Ke0cUhINu1aWTbJOTczkbzjKz1wlIjj8AQ0gF3j8p9txWRvKpjUmi5nyWcyC0a/s640/Old_woman_feeding_birds.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter, a major social networking platform, announced that they will be providing free birds for everyone who signs up after August 1^st of this year. Twitter co-founder, Ev Williams, stated that, “People who own birds seem happier than those who don’t. Since our logo is a bird, we feel it’s necessary to give a free bird to anybody who signs up. We’re currently in the process of gathering up as many birds as we can before August 1^st.” It’s a kind gesture on Twitter’s part, but there is more to the story. Time and time again, Facebook tops most all social networking. Twitter feels a new reigning champion should be crowned—one that gives birds away for free. If their plan works, it’s likely that they will see their member count rise far beyond what Facebook could ever achieve. Unfortunately, in order to receive a bird, you must <i>sign up</i> after August 1^st, so accounts that are already active will not be eligible to receive a bird. However, you are free to create a new account. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Twitter Announces Free Birds for Everyone

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter, a major social networking platform, announced that they will be providing free birds for everyone who signs up a...

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Cure for the Common Cold Discovered

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4BIJbFfFwz0E3gOtT3qUMHEOJNytEd3krszCN54c6HzJkj0ql2f-eUalGoSDKDaOhDp3jHxv4Z3U150sxYGL5mghSsx0vs_7vhBOYhZFutRxRPRrniLern7BW2jwdmtHUjep1_-cuCQ_l/s1600/3d-virus-1920x1200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4BIJbFfFwz0E3gOtT3qUMHEOJNytEd3krszCN54c6HzJkj0ql2f-eUalGoSDKDaOhDp3jHxv4Z3U150sxYGL5mghSsx0vs_7vhBOYhZFutRxRPRrniLern7BW2jwdmtHUjep1_-cuCQ_l/s640/3d-virus-1920x1200.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> PHILADELPHIA, PA—Scientists at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania have discovered a cure for the common cold, specifically the rhinovirus. There are many variations of the common cold virus which is why it’s so difficult to find a cure. Despite that fact, a cure has been found. The scientist leading the cure effort wishes to remain anonymous, just in case the cure turns out to be deadly. So far, it has only been tested on chimpanzees, and the first human to receive treatment will do so by the end of the week. He gave us a peek into the cure, and it’s by no means ordinary. To start, you must lay on your stomach, and use the trained monkey to stand on your back. It needs to be consuming a pickle—if not, the cure won’t work. After the chimp finishes his pickle, it will burp, and release chemicals that you must breathe in. Keep in mind, the chimp must consume the pickle supplied in the cure kit, otherwise you won’t be cured. After you breathe in the chimp burp, you must hold your breath for 25 seconds to fully absorb the cure. Of course, this is only a tiny snippet in the long cure process, but the scientist has made it clear he doesn’t want to give too much information away. With a cure for the common cold finally discovered, maybe we can find cures for more deadly viruses. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

Cure for the Common Cold Discovered

PHILADELPHIA, PA—Scientists at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania have discovered a cure for the common cold...

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NASA Launching Mission to Sun

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZna8vFPqoYuppkldiWKgx0vkV_XJokgbPlZsl5iWNOK9aWe927kByk4zfzuRyA4PgMHijbcc3tPZGkAZYgACM7KZKihq8Ouf-H9Yzrr6JFbMnFP-b09i9dbBDL74bP_A5jxpS0WC1vwT7/s1600/sun_3-wallpaper-2560x1600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZna8vFPqoYuppkldiWKgx0vkV_XJokgbPlZsl5iWNOK9aWe927kByk4zfzuRyA4PgMHijbcc3tPZGkAZYgACM7KZKihq8Ouf-H9Yzrr6JFbMnFP-b09i9dbBDL74bP_A5jxpS0WC1vwT7/s640/sun_3-wallpaper-2560x1600.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> WASHINGTON D.C.—Charlie Bolden, the Administrator of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, announced today that NASA<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s next paramount mission is to send a vessel to the sun. “Over nine years ago, we launched the New Horizons spaceship to explore Pluto. Today, we<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>re proud to announce the Demolisher spaceship. It can withstand temperatures up to 30 million degrees fahrenheit, and all personnel inside will be completely shielded from its heat and solar radiation. This is a giant step for mankind,” Bolden announced during a press conference earlier today. Although it has been several years since the last groundbreaking mission, traveling to the sun doesn<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t come without its risks. For one, it<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s a massive star, and its surface temperatures can reach up to 27 million degrees fahrenheit. The Demolisher spaceship is rated to be able to withstand temperatures up to 30 million degrees fahrenheit, but it<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ll undoubtedly get a bit warm in the cockpit. To circumvent this, NASA has created new cooling technology that they nicknamed “unmeltable ice.” They packed the Demolisher spaceship<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s outer core with over one ton of the substance, and the ice can “withstand temperatures up to 15 million degrees.” While it isn<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t able to absorb all of the heat generated by the sun, modified heat reflectors on its outer chassis will reflect most of the heat back towards our massive star. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i>

NASA Launching Mission to Sun

WASHINGTON D.C.—Charlie Bolden, the Administrator of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, announced today that NASA ’ s next ...

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Local Man Donating Toenails to Charity

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgnPvPxeXmrfwk6GCSgZo6C9tmOLoLLm_Xp27kDqZPN5lfjv-mZIVSXTULTqRcZq4gbqwfaTWZ_kVwuLFNvso4GKn-5ViK9TbhlLhEK2UN0d-1k3xTn6w1WlSxYYr-gWl0nRP2zUKVOh8T/s1600/smiling-male-executive-outdoor-m.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgnPvPxeXmrfwk6GCSgZo6C9tmOLoLLm_Xp27kDqZPN5lfjv-mZIVSXTULTqRcZq4gbqwfaTWZ_kVwuLFNvso4GKn-5ViK9TbhlLhEK2UN0d-1k3xTn6w1WlSxYYr-gWl0nRP2zUKVOh8T/s640/smiling-male-executive-outdoor-m.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">MINNEAPOLIS, MN—A local man has decided to donate his toenails to charity. “I<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ve been thinking about this for a long time. I<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ll miss them so much, but I feel the charity will greatly appreciate my donation,“ Tyrell Johnson told us during an interview. He<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s been growing his toenails for over three weeks now, and he<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s finally going to part with them. He went to his local Wal-Mart and purchased the most expensive pair of toenail clippers. If he<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s not careful, he could clip one of the toenails incorrectly, and that would result in a nail that he can<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t donate. The charity, recently established, is known as the International Nail Association. Their goal is to create the largest nail in history and display it at the Louvre in Paris. Johnson<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s donation will be the first of many, and it<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s tax deductable. “I<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>m so happy that this is going to a good cause. I don<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t really have any use for them anyway.” We hope more people like Johnson are out there and willing to donate their toenails as well. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i></div>

Local Man Donating Toenails to Charity

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—A local man has decided to donate his toenails to charity. “I ’ ve been thinking about this for a long time. I ’ ll miss th...

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New Sports Medicine Treatment

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizHdUbMX1lOfXAdSBhx3lTyFkjYO4CP1FdBwAlCM7HnnmuG1FcyT85-Pwd6ERIcnv18NGMg95xvMA_zkTNS0Nd0_s78BuZNYwfeFPDpj0Yr_lUpzCjQXOFlNXzKs1-MGUzmzZNod9kCt5y/s1600/medicine-pills-203147-1920x1200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizHdUbMX1lOfXAdSBhx3lTyFkjYO4CP1FdBwAlCM7HnnmuG1FcyT85-Pwd6ERIcnv18NGMg95xvMA_zkTNS0Nd0_s78BuZNYwfeFPDpj0Yr_lUpzCjQXOFlNXzKs1-MGUzmzZNod9kCt5y/s640/medicine-pills-203147-1920x1200.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">MIAMI, FL—Doctors in Miami have found a groundbreaking procedure to immediately cure almost all sports-related injuries. The doctor in charge of the research is Dr. Thomas O<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>Fulp, and he<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s very excited to finally introduce the procedure to the public. "We've been working on this procedure for almost a decade now. We finally broke new ground and we<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>re ready to share it with the public."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Dr. O<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>Fulp has already performed over 2,000 of these procedures—many of them on star athletes. “The best thing about this procedure,” O'Fulp told us, “is that you can even do it at home. You<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ll need to buy our starter kit for $99.99 and any additional equipment ranges from $10 to $10,000.” That may seem expensive, but you<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>ll likely pay more if you were to visit a local hospital according to O<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>Fulp. The kit includes their proprietary back scratcher, foot massager, pill bottle, instruction sheet, and their Magic Wand™. Don<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t worry—the contents of the starter kit have all been deemed safe to use by Dr. O<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>Fulp himself.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">“I can<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t stress enough how great it is to finally be able to share this with the public. With only a few dollars down, any sports related injury you have can be cured in seconds.” Of course, there will be skeptics, but the only way to find out if it works or not is to pick one up yourself. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i></div>

New Sports Medicine Treatment

MIAMI, FL—Doctors in Miami have found a groundbreaking procedure to immediately cure almost all sports-related injuries. The doctor in char...

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Music Companies Fighting Piracy

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHIr-xsWN6fVRK8wKl8zDQnEWIv4So5ZYkNWZ7cI-YkBTguOPBOuZVkJcDWWqrr3IuO0dMQeylaXUxPbaKbbeVnPKZOEIZS18xLf3Ms7hZwV2C-k0CQ1iowMJQBuotPh6fqO1mcEblgcv6/s1600/3035-pirate-ships-1920x1200-fantasy-wallpaper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHIr-xsWN6fVRK8wKl8zDQnEWIv4So5ZYkNWZ7cI-YkBTguOPBOuZVkJcDWWqrr3IuO0dMQeylaXUxPbaKbbeVnPKZOEIZS18xLf3Ms7hZwV2C-k0CQ1iowMJQBuotPh6fqO1mcEblgcv6/s640/3035-pirate-ships-1920x1200-fantasy-wallpaper.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /> SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Several music producers have banded together to fight piracy, our sources informed us earlier today. They claim that “piracy as a huge problem and needs to be halted.” Their spokesman, Richard Wagner, told us, “Ships sailing on the open sea shouldn<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>t be worrying about pirates. They have enough to worry about.” It<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; white-space: pre-wrap;">’</span>s nice to see that people are finally taking a stance towards piracy. The FBI and NSA have tried countless times to take down The Pirate Bay—a hub for pirates to discuss their pirating tactics—but to no avail. The group, knows as the Anti-Piracy Commission, or APC, hopes to launch several ships on the open sea to spot potential pirate ships. If they find one, they will use their modified cruise ship to blow it out of the water—literally. “We have a zero-tolerance policy against pirate ships,” Wagner stated in a press conference earlier this week. “If you see one, blow it the fuck up.” Let this be a solid warning to all pirates sailing on the open seas. <i class="fa fa-newspaper-o"></i></div>

Music Companies Fighting Piracy

SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Several music producers have banded together to fight piracy, our sources informed us earlier today. They claim that “pir...

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